Dead cat

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We have a dead cat in our front garden.

It has no collar, and no-one has come to enquire about its whereabouts.

I’m not sure how it died. We found it flopped on the grass near the footpath, and thought perhaps it had been hit by a car, and someone had thrown it up onto the verge. Its body is unmarked though, so I think perhaps it was trotting through our garden, and suffered a fatal heart attack.

We hoped that someone might come looking for it and take it away, and so we left it where it was. It’s now been there for about three days, and flies are beginning to buzz excitedly around it, so we’ll obviously hae to think of something to do with it. Due to the hard and stony nature of the earth in our garden, digging a grave is rather impractical. Family and friends have come up with a variety of options of cat disposal, which include:-

throwing it in the river

throwing it in a public rubbish bin

taking it to the dump

burying it

throwing it at cars that drive too fast down the street

putting it in the road and when a car runs over it run out screaming “You killed my cat, you bastard!”

create a cairn for it in the front garden

put it in our bin and hope that it doesn’t smell too much by the time our rubbish is collected

Seeing as I was overtaken by a fit of madness last week and bought lime-scented rubbish bags, I think I will now walk out to the verge, and transfer the cat into several of them, place it in our bin, and hope that no-one comes knocking, asking if I’ve seen their beloved little marmalade cat.

“Um. Well…”

10 minutes later: OK, that was really revolting. I need a soothing cup of tea.

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